Crypto News

Hold onto your hats – over $57 million! And guess what? Crypto now makes up a whopping 73% of his vast, glittering net worth. Cha-ching! 💰

Those sneaky liquidity clusters below the price are like that ex who won’t leave you alone-they could drag IP down. Or, plot twist, they might just be the rebound it needs for another rally. 🕺

Oh, just the usual-trying to balance making money with not selling its soul. Classic. 🤹♂️

The investment, as per YZi’s Friday proclamation, will turbocharge USDe’s conquest on BNB Chain while Ethena continues its alchemical work on USDtb (backed by BlackRock’s BUIDL, because why not?) and its “Converge” layer-a blockchain that tokenizes real-world assets like they’re enchanted scrolls. 📜

This enchanting invitation to debate arrives like clockwork, exactly one month after the Treasury’s hot take on “Innovative Methods to Detect Illicit Activity” involving those pesky payment stablecoins-the same digital sprites that dance just beyond the grasp of Uncle Sam’s watchful eye. One can almost hear the Treasury’s whispered plea in the dark: “Tell us your secrets, O bearers of blockchain brilliance.”

Bitcoin? Oh, it’s a drama queen. Saw the CPI report on Sept. 11 and dropped a grand like it was hot. 💸 Meanwhile, Ethereum’s trying to play catch-up after losing a billion bucks in the first week of September. Classic “I left the stove on” energy. 🔥

This bureaucratic ballet comes mere weeks after their initial application, a testament to the endless waltz between financial firms and regulators. Ah, the SEC-ever the cautious chaperone at this crypto debutante ball. 💃🕺

In a very dramatic post (cue the lights and sad violin music), X revealed that some suspended accounts, mainly the ones dabbling in crypto scams, attempted a shoddy little scheme involving paying middlemen to bribe employees into reinstating their accounts. Because nothing says “trustworthy” like bribing people to give you your account back. 🙄

Because let’s be real-$55 isn’t just a number. It’s the emotional support level for HYPE traders. If it cracks, we’re all just one bad tweet away from sobbing into our crypto wallets. 💔

This oracle speaks in the wake of the Federal Reserve’s recent 0.25% rate haircut-a snip so precise the CME’s FedWatch had already fuzzed the numbers with a 96% chance of such benevolence, weeks before the FOMC’s grand assembly.