BitMine’s Crypto Circus Crashes: Short Sellers Strike! 😂📉

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In the vast, unforgiving steppe of capitalist ambition, where digital phantoms haunt the ledgers of fortune, a new indictment has been hurled against BitMine Immersion Technologies, Inc. (BMNR)-one of the bloated titans of Ethereum Digital Asset Treasuries. This missive, penned by Kerrisdale Capital, mocks the folly of those investors still clinging to premiums for these indirect vessels of crypto escapades, as if the emperor’s new clothes were ever more than a transparent jest. 🤡💰 Cheap, why pay the middleman for the blockchain’s boisterous dance?

This report, unleashed by Kerrisdale Capital, that perennial Cassandra of the markets founded by Sahm Adrangi in 2009, declares its own short position in BMNR stock with the flair of a prophet foretelling doom. The firm, renowned for its scathing exposés on “overvalued” enterprises that often send ripples through the financial seas, now turns its satirical gaze upon this beast. 😏🎭

BMNR’s Vicious Cycle of Dilution: A Symphony of Fading Illusions

Kerrisdale paints BMNR as a pale imitation of MicroStrategy (MSTR), that once-celebrated juggler who inflated its ETH per share by diluting reality with new shares, sold at premium prices above the Net Asset Value (NAV), all to scoop up more of the glittering ether. Yet, Kerrisdale sneers, the radiance that once fueled MSTR’s “meme” fervor has dimmed, its mNAV premium collapsing from the lofty 2.0x-2.5x to a mundane under 1.5x. Behold, BMNR, in its desperation, has unleashed over $10 billion in fresh shares within mere months-ethereal holdings swell, but per-share growth trudges like a weary prisoner across the tundra, mNAV premium plummeting from over 2.0x in August to a paltry 1.2x soon after. 🚀❄️

And lo, as its “flywheel” grinds to a sardonic halt, BMNR grows coy in transparency, omitting the vaunted share count and NAV-per-share from weekly pronouncements since August 25th. Kerrisdale interprets this theatrical vanishing act not as innovation, but as a sheepish concealment of slowing fortunes, all while Ethereum’s intrinsic value remains untouched-like blaming the blizzard for the hut’s poor construction. They forecast a cavalcade of collapsing NAV premiums for these DAT chariots, as regulations mellow and direct crypto dalliances beckon. Why toil at the bureaucratic forge when one can mine freely? 😂🔨

Contrary: Wood and Thiel Remain Bullish-Or Delusional? Stars in the Gilded Cage

Yet, amid this bearish tempest, voices rise in defiant contradance, proclaiming BMNR’s horizon bathed in eternal sunshine. Proponents hail its crypto-obsessed crusade, its frenetic ETH hoarding as the pinnacle of visionary zeal. Peter Thiel, that mercurial oracle of Wall Street and early BitMine backer, boasts a 9.1% dominion in the firm. ARK Invest, steered by the indefatigable Cathie Wood with her tech-prophet flair, clutches 6,456,242 shares (3.61%) of this leviathan, recently augmenting its feast with over 54,000 more in October. Wood, ever bullish, lauds BMNR’s aggressive ETH stockpiling as strategic genius, pontificating on Ethereal’s enduring worth like a sage in a casino. 🤷‍♂️💼

BMNR’s stock, which soared past $63.00 on Tuesday in this illusory ballet, dipped modestly upon the short report’s shadow, settling at $60.00 per share by Wednesday-a mere stumble in the grand farce of faith and folly. 🔄📈

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2025-10-09 12:26