Bitcoin’s Tragic Flop: A Drama in Three Acts

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In a scene worthy of Greek tragedy, Galaxy Digital’s illustrious ringmaster Mike Novogratz has declared Bitcoin‘s recent performance to be-dare we say-dreadfully underwhelming.

While gold basks in the adoration of panic-stricken investors, Bitcoin skulks in the shadows, failing to inspire even the faintest flutter of safe-haven enthusiasm. “It is being sold,” Novogratz lamented, as if describing a poorly reviewed West End play.

The Macro Farce

Novogratz, ever the dramatist, insists that traditional markets are staging a rebellion against the once-mighty dollar. Gold, that gilded relic of simpler times, surges ever higher-proof, he claims, that faith in the greenback is collapsing faster than a soufflé at a dinner party.

“We are losing reserve currency status at an accelerating rate,” he proclaimed, as if announcing the fall of Rome. Meanwhile, Bitcoin-supposedly the hero of this financial opera-remains stubbornly off-script.

The Technical Cliffhanger

According to our protagonist, Bitcoin must reclaim the lofty heights of $100,000-$103,000 to avoid becoming a mere footnote in monetary history. Alas, it languishes below $90,000, trapped like a moth against a windowpane by the cruel winds of risk-off sentiment.

“It must take out 100-103k,” Novogratz declared, as if issuing a theatrical ultimatum. One wonders if Bitcoin will heed his call-or simply exit stage left.

A $100 Million Hedge Fund (Because Why Not?)

In a twist befitting Wilde himself, Galaxy Digital-Novogratz’s financial circus-is returning to its roots with a $100 million hedge fund. The Financial Times reports that family offices, high-net-worth individuals, and institutional partners will provide the audience for this latest performance.

Up to 30% of the fund’s assets will gambol freely in liquid cryptocurrencies, with Portfolio Manager Joe Armao expressing bullish conviction on Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana-though whether they will reward his faith remains to be seen. The rest? Financial services stocks, naturally, because nothing says “diversification” like doubling down on volatility.

And fear not, dear speculators-this fund boasts a “long/short” capability, ensuring profits even when the market takes its final bow.

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2026-01-21 10:19