Bitcoin’s $90K Tease: A Cosmic Prank or Market Manipulation? 🚀💸

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Key Highlights (Or, as we like to call them, the Universe’s Inside Jokes)

  • Bitcoin flirted with $90K like a hitchhiker with a towel, only to ghost us faster than a Vogon poem. 📈👻
  • Liquidations hit $238.2M in an hour-because nothing says “fun” like watching leveraged positions explode. 🎆💥
  • Altcoins went full Douglas Adams: NIGHT surged like a hoopy frood, while SOL basked in Brazil’s ETP glow. 🌙🇧🇷

In a move that would make the Heart of Gold’s Infinite Improbability Drive blush, Bitcoin (BTC) staged a brief, dazzling rebound on Wednesday, reclaiming the $90,000 mark during early U.S. trading. Alas, like a bowl of petunias, it thought, “Oh no, not again,” and promptly plummeted back to Earth. The result? A $238 million liquidation party where both longs and shorts got the bill. 🎉💸

The world’s favorite cryptocurrency hit $90,336-its first foray above $90K since last weekend-only to retreat faster than a Betelgeusean flea circus. The psychological resistance at $90K remains as impenetrable as a Babel fish’s brain. As of now, Bitcoin’s trading at $86,358, down 1.73%, proving once again that gravity isn’t just for planets. 🪐📉

Liquidations: The Market’s Version of a Surprise Party

When Bitcoin’s $90K dream fizzled, leverage unwound faster than a Magrathean contractor’s promises. In one hour, $238 million in positions were liquidated, according to Coinglass. Ethereum (ETH) took the biggest hit ($49.2M), followed by Bitcoin ($25.9M) and Solana ($5.6M). Longs and shorts were equally clueless-a true testament to the market’s collective shrug. 🤷♂️💨

Bybit led the carnage with $72.2M wiped out, followed by Hyperliquid ($56.7M) and Binance ($49.5M). Moral of the story? Bitcoin’s $90K rejection was the ultimate “gotcha” moment for traders. 🤡🔥

Altcoins: A Galactic Game of Musical Chairs

While Bitcoin sulked, altcoins did their own thing. Midnight (NIGHT) shot up 13% on $1.6B volume-because why not? Morpho (MORPHO) and Merlin Chain (MERL) also joined the party, but it was more of a selective risk-taking soiree than a full-blown rally. 🌌🎢

Altcoin gainers, probably celebrating with Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.

The wider altcoin market? Choppy as a Magrathean ocean. Traders picked their spots like Arthur Dent picking up a hitchhiking robot. 🤖🌊

Institutions: The Grown-Ups in the Crypto Playground

Meanwhile, in the land of suits and ties, Brazil’s B3 exchange approved a Solana ETP (VSOL), giving locals a regulated way to SOL-ify their portfolios. CME Group also launched spot-quoted futures for XRP and Solana, because institutional desks need more ways to trade crypto risk. 📊🏛️

For Bitcoin, the $90K zone remains the ultimate brick wall-or perhaps a locked door with a sign that says, “Beware of the Leopard.” With buyers hesitating, the market’s stuck in a grind: sharp swings, liquidation-driven moves, and altcoin rotation. Sounds like a typical Tuesday in the galaxy. 🌌🔁

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2025-12-17 22:55