In a move as daring as wearing a top hat to a cryptocurrency conference, crypto luminary Jacob King has delivered a stinging rebuke to the prevailing “digital gold” narrative, just as Bitcoin’s price has plunged from its 2025 highs like a deflated soufflé at a Michelin-starred dinner.
King, with the gravitas of a man explaining why his pet iguana won’t stop eating paperwork, insists Bitcoin was never meant to be a store of value or inflation hedge. A bold claim, one might say, in a world where people still buy gold-plated toilets. 😂
The Whitepaper: Not a Marketing Brochure
As Bitcoin’s value nosedives faster than a poorly timed meme stock short, King has revived the age-old question: “What was this thing supposed to be?” His answer? A peer-to-peer electronic cash system, per the whitepaper-a document, he notes, conspicuously absent of mentions like “geopolitical refuge” or “inflation hedge.” Groundbreaking, really. 📜
King argues that when Bitcoin’s fees soared and its throughput dwindled, investors resorted to “narrative alchemy,” transforming Satoshi’s cash system into a glittering store of value. A metamorphosis, one suspects, akin to calling a toaster a “multicooker.”
The Price Plunge: A Comedy of Errors
Timing, as always, is everything. King’s pronouncement arrives as Bitcoin’s price spirals toward the ground like a poorly choreographed ballet. The market, now in defensive mode, has seen liquidations, altcoin despair, and a general air of existential dread. All while King’s critics-men like Michael Saylor and Larry Fink-continue to wax poetic about Bitcoin as “digital property” and “global store of value.” A delusion, perhaps, but a lucrative one. 💸
Tom Lee, ever the optimist, still dreams of Bitcoin hitting $200k if it captures 25% of gold’s market. One wonders if he’s consulted the gold market’s recent performance-or perhaps he’s just very confident in Bitcoin’s ability to defy gravity. 🚀
J Jerome Powell, meanwhile, has joined the chorus, declaring Bitcoin a “legitimate competitor to gold.” A sentiment that would warm the cockles of any central banker’s heart, provided they own a Bitcoin ETF. 🏦
At press time, Bitcoin trades at $84,130. A figure that, in the grand scheme of things, is both a number and a punchline. 😉
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2025-11-22 20:34