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Out in the sun-scorched backyards of Las Vegas, where the dust has never been drier and the dreams have always been gaudier, CleanSpark Inc. has decided to play the part of a modern-day Prometheus. On November 10, they announced a grand plan to raise $1 billion through zero-coupon convertible notes-because who needs interest when you can have hope? These notes, due in February 2032, are as appetizing as a dry martini to a dehydrated coyote: no regular interest, just the sweet, sweet gamble of converting them into stock or a cash-share chimera, depending on the company’s whim.

Despite the dramatic descent, the shiny new SOL ETFs are still dragging in investors’ money. They’ve collectively gulped over $342 million-impressive, considering they only just got approved two weeks ago. Think of it like throwing money into a fire, hoping it’ll turn into gold. The Bitwise SOL ETF alone has soaked up $329 million, because nothing says confidence like investing in something that’s crashing. Meanwhile, Grayscale’s GSOL has added a modest $12.8 million to the pot, but hey, every drop counts when your asset is heading south.