A Dark Truth Runs Beneath the Surface of The Dating Game

by

In Violet Du Feng’s “The Dating Game“, the vibrant and lively facades conceal a bleak, dystopian backdrop. The film follows three young bachelors as they strive to learn dating strategies under a professional coach, providing an intimate look at a concerning societal trend. Screened at Sundance, this documentary sheds light on a troubling reality: Over thirty million more men than women exist in China due to the One-Child Policy ending nearly a decade ago, creating a cutthroat environment for family formation. This imbalance is further exacerbated by other factors such as rural children being left behind when their parents moved to urban areas during rapid industrialization. As one individual notes, “This entire generation grew up without experiencing love.

Instead of merely lacking love and the capability to express emotions with the opposite gender, it often involves a struggle. In certain societies, we witness large groups of parents gathering in public spaces, posting and scrutinizing advertisements featuring potential partners’ personal details; the young adults are too embarrassed to appear in person. Furthermore, there are government-sponsored matchmaking events where officials praise participants as pillars of the nation, recognizing the significance of boosting birth rates for a harmonious society. They aren’t misguided – historically, an excess of men can lead to significant social upheaval.

In Du Feng’s movie, the protagonist, Hao, is a popular dating coach in the bustling city of Chongqing, known for his smooth-talking charm. His mission is to transform three bachelors into self-assured, attractive suitors. He gives them fresh hairstyles, stylish wardrobes, and updated social media profiles. Hao teaches them his “push-pull method,” a tactic that involves both flattering and disrespecting the woman you’re interacting with, to keep her guessing about your interest. Additionally, he creates fictional images: an array of altered social media photos and details intended to portray a lifestyle and personality these individuals don’t actually have. Interestingly, these young men don’t play golf, but Hao encourages them to pose as if they do because “women are attracted to men who play golf.” Similarly, he takes them to a dog shelter to snap pictures with the friendly animals, reasoning that “women love cute pets.

Hao finds no issue with the deceitful nature of these activities, but his students occasionally express discomfort with the insincerity they’re expected to accept; they might be naive, but they’re not foolish. They appear sincere and genuine — they openly share their feelings of loneliness and awkwardness, as well as their expectations for a partner, in front of Du Feng’s camera. Some of their views are quite conventional, which intensifies the dissonance as they undergo a transformation into trendy, joyful city dwellers. The general mood portrayed in The Dating Game is a persistent sense of despair; it’s challenging to envision any of these individuals finding love in such a bustling and shallow environment. This realization is heartbreaking. The film also investigates the growth of virtual dating games, where fictitious digital partners offer online companionship to lonely users. These users are aware that these cyber-partners aren’t genuine: they understand they’re not real. However, these digital representations of affection, though fabricated, fill a void for many people who struggle to find genuine connections elsewhere.

Overseeing these encounters is the realization that social mobility in China is incredibly challenging. One client admits that a decent date would likely consume half his monthly income. Hao exploits these men’s innocence. Despite his charming demeanor, a significant portion of his guidance appears to focus on encouraging his students to approach random women in public places and ask if they can connect on the Chinese social media app WeChat. These instances, as our timid heroes tentatively move through squares to nervously and awkwardly ask strangers to become online friends, resemble a form of humiliation ceremony.

Hao is not entirely a scoundrel; instead, he might be a product of his era. He observes that many of his clients, who are often seen as failures, should not be deprived of love. Most of his over 3,000 clients belong to the working class, making them less eligible in society’s eyes. Hao presents himself as proof that his methods work. He confesses that he was once hopeless when it came to talking to women, stuttering and struggling with a poor job, lack of money, and no future prospects. But after transforming himself into a ladies’ man, Hao met his wife, Wen, who is also a relationship and self-improvement coach. She initially saw right through his slick persona when they first crossed paths, but they eventually found each other. (Whether they will still be together by the end of the movie remains to be seen.)

Perhaps the true objective is this: not to disguise yourself as someone else, but to demonstrate a willingness to misrepresent yourself, revealing a certain level of dedication. In our social media-driven existence, where “fake it till you make it” seems to rule, there might be a hidden truth lurking beneath the surface in this movie. In such an openly false world, what’s the point of being authentic? The film The Dating Game portrays this concept in a subtly chilling manner.

Read More

2025-01-25 19:54