10 Best Abbott Elementary’s Most Hilarious And Memorable Lines

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The hilarious and heartwarming show, Abbott Elementary, is back for a new season! Known for its incredibly funny and relatable moments—many of which have become popular memes—the Emmy-winning series is delivering even more compelling stories and witty lines in its fifth season, with deeper explorations of its characters.

The characters on Abbott Elementary are all unique and a little quirky, but they’re united by a shared desire to create a positive and secure learning environment for their students. This comfortable dynamic leads to funny banter, playful teasing, and genuinely heartwarming moments – all of which make the show so enjoyable to watch.

“Honey, Family You Kill For. I Ain’t Killing For Any Of Ya. Except Barbara.”

Melissa Schemmenti To Janine Teagues

In the first season of “Abbott Elementary,” Melissa Schemmenti (Lisa Ann Walter) established that she didn’t see her colleagues as family—with the exception of her close friend, Barbara Howard (Sheryl Lee Ralph).

When Janine (Quinta Brunson) confessed she didn’t have friends outside of work and considered her coworkers her only true friends, the rest of the Abbott Elementary team quickly let her know they didn’t feel the same way.

Melissa’s quote is particularly strong because it perfectly shows both how she feels about her coworkers at the beginning of the show and what kind of person she is. The humor around her family’s history of crime, alongside her genuine affection for Barbara, is really well done.

Even in its fifth season, this statement still holds up. Melissa and Barbara continue to be one of the tightest friendships in the group, and hints of Melissa’s complicated past occasionally surface during their time at school.

“Pour Me Something Cheap So I Can Spit It Out.”

Ava Coleman

During the school’s winter break in season 2’s “Holiday Hookah,” Ava Coleman, Janine, and Gregory all ended up at the same club in Philadelphia. While the episode highlighted the growing connection between Janine and Gregory, Ava was the standout, delivering her usual hilarious and clever lines.

Watching Janine and Gregory dance together was honestly painful. It wasn’t just seeing them connect, but realizing how happy he seemed with her. I always thought Gregory and I had a spark, but it became so clear that he and Janine were on a completely different wavelength. It was like, any chance I had of him seeing me as more than a coworker vanished the moment they started getting to know each other. It really proved we didn’t have much in common beyond the office, and honestly, it made me feel pretty awful.

Ava jokingly asked the bartender for the cheapest drink they had, planning to dramatically spit it out while watching the couple dance – and she followed through with her plan.

That line perfectly captures Ava’s personality – a bit dramatic, but always with a touch of style. She’s capable of making a grand gesture, like dramatically rejecting a drink, all while secretly wanting to see her rival and crush together. The ‘Holiday Hookah’ episode really highlighted Ava’s glamorous life when she wasn’t at work, and it’s one of her strongest appearances.

“You Do Know You Cannot Fight The Children, Right?”

Gregory Eddie To Melissa Schemmenti

Image via ABC

In Season 5, Melissa faced a new challenge: teaching middle school students after previously working with second graders. While she felt prepared, her colleague Jacob Hill (Chris Perfetti) worried she wasn’t ready for the honesty and emotional complexity that came with teaching teenagers.

Melissa eventually decided she wanted to get revenge on her classmates and shared her plan with Gregory. After mentioning she needed to get back in shape, Gregory jokingly reminded her that she couldn’t actually fight the children.

This is one of Gregory’s most hilarious moments because he honestly didn’t know if Melissa realized you’re not supposed to fight kids. Her playful personality and unexpected comments always keep her coworkers guessing what she’ll do next.

“This Is A Teflon.”

Janine Teagues

Janine is a naturally endearing character because she’s so optimistic and sees the world with a childlike innocence. When we first meet her as a new teacher, her enthusiasm is contagious, and she genuinely wants to help her students and make Abbott Elementary a better place.

Okay, so in Season 2’s ‘Valentine’s Day’ episode, Janine really cemented her adorably clueless persona. Her boyfriend, Maurice, got her a Telfar bag – which is a pretty hot item, honestly – but she genuinely thought it was just a container for the actual gift! She had no idea the bag itself was the present. It was a sweet, funny moment that perfectly captured her down-to-earth personality and lack of interest in, well, fancy stuff.

Janine later mentioned to Gregory’s girlfriend, Amber, that she received a “Teflon” bag as a Valentine’s Day gift. This is funny because Janine doesn’t care about expensive items—she appreciates thoughtful gestures much more.

This moment is key because it highlights Janine’s connection with Gregory, while also emphasizing her differences from Maurice. It also hints at a potential romantic relationship between Janine and Gregory.

“I Bet They Could Start Collecting All The Sunflower Seeds And Peanut Shells And Save Them For Composting.”

Jacob Hill At The Philadelphia Phillies Game

Jacob is known for being a passionate environmentalist. This commitment is clear both in his everyday actions – like recycling and peaceful protesting – and at his job at Abbott Elementary. Even outside of work, as seen in season 5, he brings this love for sustainability with him, like when he attended a baseball game.

In “Ballgame,” Jacob and his friends attended a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game where Jacob and Melissa participated in a beer-drinking competition. Despite forming a surprisingly good team, Jacob couldn’t shake his thoughts about composting, even after nine innings of drinking beer.

The way he noticed the leftover peanut shells and sunflower seeds at the ballpark was a clever detail. It showed that even with so much going on around him, he was still mindful of the environment. It was a sweet and insightful moment, highlighting his kind nature and genuinely good idea.

“I’m Not Really A Big Fan Of Juice. I Prefer Nature’s Juice — Water.”

Gregory Eddie

So, my friend Jacob is really into saving the planet, and Gregory? He’s all about health. But Gregory has very specific tastes. He avoids anything processed, sticking to things like boiled chicken, plain oatmeal, and just black coffee. It’s become a running joke ever since he started working at Abbott – his absolute refusal to eat pizza is hilarious! It’s just… a thing with him, you know?

In the episode “Juice,” Janine decides to improve the school’s juice selection. She replaces the standard juice with a healthier, organic option. However, Gregory insists that his preferred drink is simply water, which he calls “nature’s juice.”

“Sorry, I Don’t Speak Line.”

Ava Coleman

One line from the second season of “Abbott Elementary” that really stuck with me – and clearly with a lot of other viewers – is when Ava nonchalantly says, “Sorry, I don’t speak line,” as she breezes past Janine and Gregory who are stuck waiting in a ridiculously long queue outside a club. It’s a small moment, but perfectly captures her character and is endlessly quotable!

That quote is typical Ava – witty, but also a little snobbish. Rather than stand in line like everyone else, she made a point of showing she considered herself better than those waiting.

What makes her character so engaging is the actress’s confident delivery. Even while working at a poorly funded school with teachers who aren’t paid enough, she confidently breaks from what’s expected of her.

“A Dream Can Be A Distraction Just As Easy As It Can Be A Goal.”

Mr. Johnson

In the first season episode “Desking,” Mr. Johnson shared a thoughtful observation about dreams. He explained that while dreams can be motivating, they can also pull you away from what’s actually happening in your life. This quote is one of his most memorable, showcasing his wisdom and proving he’s more than just a source of funny comments about school cleanliness.

The janitor is a really funny character, largely because he’s such an enigma. Mr. Johnson has held many different jobs and traveled extensively, but he seems perfectly happy continuing to work at Abbott Elementary.

There’s just something about Mr. Johnson that immediately grabs my attention as a viewer. It’s fascinating because you never quite know what he’s going to do, but you always feel like he’ll deliver. The people at Abbott clearly trust him, even if they’re a little unsure how he’ll come through. It really makes me wonder what drives him, you know? What are his hopes and dreams, and has he actually managed to achieve them? It’s a detail that’s stuck with me long after the credits rolled.

“People Have Thrown Dirt On My Name, And Others Have Given Flowers, But It’s All A Garden To Me.”

Barbara Howard

Disney/Gilles Mingasson

Barbara, a veteran teacher at Abbott Elementary, has extensive experience with all kinds of students and families – the challenging ones, the supportive ones, and everything in between. She also guides newer teachers, like Janine, sharing her wisdom and helping them learn the ropes.

You know, in Season 2’s “Teacher Appreciation,” I really felt for Janine. She was so upset after a particularly rough parent-teacher conference, telling Barbara about how one parent actually called her a bad teacher! But Barbara, being the wise veteran she is, gently reminded Janine that teaching is a two-way street – you have to give a little to get a little with these kids.

Teaching, like life, comes with both praise and criticism. Janine found comfort in Barbara’s reminder of this balance, and it reveals Barbara’s optimistic and professional outlook. She consistently focuses on the positive side of things.

“The Sun Heated It Up For Me. Nature’s Microwave.”

Janine Teagues

Janine rarely gets sick, but she came down with a cold in the second season episode, “Sick Day.” Even after Ava cleared out the fridge and filled it with relaxing eye masks, Janine ate a tuna sandwich that had been left out all morning. She jokingly explained that being in the sun all day had turned it warm, calling it “nature’s microwave.”

Janine’s famous line perfectly captures her optimistic outlook. While others might complain about a ruined sandwich, she focused on the positive – at least it was warm now instead of cold! It’s a classic example of looking on the bright side.

It was ironic that Janine’s cheerful attitude led to a setback when she got food poisoning from her lunch. Being sick actually showed the other teachers how positive and supportive she always is, solidifying why she’s such an inspiring figure at Abbott Elementary.

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2025-11-18 03:13