Talamasca: The Secret Order: A Bloody Mess

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Let me start by saying I’m adjusting my expectations for Talamasca: The Secret Order. It became clear the show was created because of the positive response to AMC’s Interview with the Vampire, and they’re clearly trying to attract Interview fans with appearances by characters like Daniel Molloy and Raglan James. For the first few episodes, the show heavily focused on what motivates its main characters, though not very well. I initially thought it was trying to be a character-focused show, but just wasn’t succeeding.

After watching “Wet Work,” I think this show isn’t trying to be high art – it wants to be pure, silly fun. Think mindless entertainment with plenty of violence, gore, and over-the-top villains. Guy Anatole was a frustrating character early in the first season of Talamasca, constantly worrying about who to trust. Now, surrounded by ridiculous plot twists and intentionally cheesy special effects, he’s still not particularly compelling, but he seems to have embraced his role as just a way to move the story forward.

If the show wants to become what it’s becoming, that’s actually great news! I always hoped for a series that captured the beautiful, intimate, and gothic feel of the movie Interview, but focused on an old, crumbling spy organization. Honestly, I’d much rather watch this new, simpler show than the overly dramatic and clumsy attempts at emotion in the previous iteration. (It’s worth noting that despite this improvement, I still couldn’t rate this episode highly – it’s just too unintentionally ridiculous to deserve more than three stars. But I give those stars with affection! The show has really won me over. It’s gone from being something I criticized to something I genuinely enjoy and appreciate.)

This episode opens by showing us what the Talamasca is trying to become. Previously, Guy cleverly made a deal with Jasper, the mysterious vampire villain, to obtain the 752 and get revenge on the Talamasca. While it was a compelling move, I was tired of Guy’s overly dramatic and self-pitying behavior beforehand.

Luckily, Guy is finally at a turning point. He wakes up in Jasper’s apartment, looking completely disoriented, and Jasper responds with a generous breakfast. Guy only manages to eat a tiny bit before they start arguing about whether he truly intends to leave the Talamasca. While it’s still possible Guy is pretending, I’m beginning to think he’s genuine – his actions in this episode just don’t make sense if he’s still working against Jasper. I’ve realized one thing: never underestimate Guy’s ability to make incredibly foolish decisions.

Annoyed, Jasper leads Guy down to his basement where Chester—their newly made, groaning zombie-vampire—is being held. He also uses the opportunity to reveal Guy’s sad history. Jasper explains he was raised as a human within a vampire family that was wiped out because of a vampire power struggle. He believes the Talamasca were responsible, claiming they gave away the location of the vampire someone wanted to attack. “That’s just what they do,” Jasper tells Guy. “They destroy families—mine, and soon yours.” It’s a broad statement, but Guy accepts it.

Having connected with Guy, Jasper explains his scheme for obtaining and utilizing the 752. Based on my understanding after watching the entire episode, here’s a breakdown of that plan:

  1. He is going to send Guy to scout out the book at its current suspected location: the Westcroft Hotel, which is run by mobster vampires.
  2. Guy will then inform Chester et al. of the book’s whereabouts, and they will go to get it. (Here, I will note that Jasper calls Chester and his ilk “ancient revenant vampires,” which I find incredibly funny because it suggests Immortal Universe may soon undergo the vampire power-scaling issues shows like Vampire Diaries ran up against in their own time; hope you enjoy learning the difference between an Enhanced and an Upgraded Original Vampire, Anne Rice fans!)
  3. From there, Jasper will use the 752 as a kind of eldritch White Pages to find and contact every extant vamp (or, at least every vamp that still lives at the same address they were at in 1972)…
  4. …and will encourage all of them (and this is where my understanding is sketchiest) to turn more people into vampires?
  5. …which will weaken the Talamasca and thus enable revenge against them (?).

There are definitely aspects of this plan that Guy – and by extension, us as the audience – don’t fully grasp yet, like the details of how it will unfold or Jasper’s motivations. However, I find it admirable that Guy simply accepts it without question.

The latest episode of “Wet Work” kicks off a delightfully silly phase. Guy is back to his usual simple style of spying – let’s call it “Guycraft” – and this time he’s operating out of the Westcroft Hotel, which will be the main setting from now on. The show seems aware of this shift in tone, neatly wrapping up other storylines – like Helen’s search for her telepathic sister and the police investigation into Soleded’s envelope – before focusing on Guy. We find him in the hotel bar, using his knack for listening in on conversations.

As usual with a Guycraft story, people start appearing out of nowhere to try and convince Guy to abandon his clearly failing quest. First, Raglan James, a minor character from the Interview series, shows up with suspicious motives. Guy figures he’s negotiating something shady involving the 752 and dismisses Raglan’s repeated warnings. (Raglan even used the British slang term “ticklefeet,” which I had to look up – and quickly abandoned when the first search result led to a DeviantArt page!) Shortly after, Doris arrives at the hotel and also urges Guy to leave, but he ignores her too. This is a really enjoyable running gag, and I think each episode should feature more and more people trying to dissuade him.

Despite clear warnings, Guy insists to Raglan that he’s a Talamasca agent and intends to stop whatever Raglan is planning to purchase. He demands to accompany Raglan to the vampire boss’s suite. Inside, loud pop music blares and everyone is unusually large. Raglan immediately betrays Guy, offering his mind-reading ability to the vampire in exchange for the item. The vampire agrees, even after Guy repeatedly claims he can’t read minds, shoots Raglan in the shoulder, and then forces Guy to pull a vivid, War Horse-like memory from his own mind. As usual, Guy has gotten himself into trouble through his own actions.

This time, though, Guy isn’t alone when things go wrong. While he’s busy reading minds, Chester – who Doris kindly called in – is taking care of the vampire mob’s henchmen in the next room, and quickly deals with the mob boss himself when he goes to investigate the commotion.

The moment we see this room, it’s filled with over-the-top, comedic gore that instantly shows the show’s creators are on the same page as me regarding the changes to the Talamasca. Blood splatters the walls, fake heads are scattered around, and the room is overflowing with prosthetic legs – so many, in fact, that it seems like they used more legs than there were people! It feels like a gruesome scene from a Final Destination movie, a bit of over-the-top Italian horror (giallo), or a disturbing drawing that would get a child in trouble. Everything looks wonderfully and obviously fake. It’s easily the funniest and most successful thing Talamasca has done so far, perfectly establishing the show’s unique style and actually making me laugh.

A lot happened in the next few minutes – the suitcase was filled with old vampire blood from someone being held nearby, Raglan realized Guy had been lying all along, and for some strange reason, Guy started throwing his medication out the window. But I couldn’t pay attention to any of it. All I could think about was the amount of exposed chest. Even when Jasper arrived and explained his sinister plan involving the 752, causing Guy to nervously smear marinara sauce everywhere, I just wanted to shout at the TV, “Seriously, is anyone else noticing how many bare chests there are? Look at all the torsos!”

Television can be a true art form, building deep stories and unforgettable characters over time through carefully crafted episodes. But not all TV is like that. Sometimes it’s just entertainment – something to watch while you’re relaxing with a meal. And that’s perfectly fine. It’s good that Talamasca seems to be embracing that idea. There’s nothing wrong with creating a visually appealing show with talented actors, even if it’s a bit predictable and relies on obvious music cues. It might not be groundbreaking, but right now, it’s enjoyable.

Observations of the Order

Okay, seriously, Guy Anatole is killing it with the CW-level drama! This week’s award for the most perfectly cheesy line definitely goes to him. When Raglan James was clearly worried Guy would mess with his plans, Guy responded with, “You’re not here on company business, are you? You’re here for a… deal. A… transaction.” I mean, the emphasis on ‘transaction’ was just chef’s kiss! It was so over-the-top, I loved it.

We’ve noticed a pattern with Guy’s accent: it tends to become more noticeable when he’s mildly annoyed, but not outright furious. If he’s shouting or speaking quietly, he usually sounds convincingly American. However, when he’s quickly and anxiously scolding someone, that’s when his classic New York accent slips through – and fans love it!

Okay, seriously, one of my favorite background characters this episode was this guy who looked so much like Zach Galifianakis! He was at Westcroft, rocking one of those amazing necklaces from the show, and just blatantly stared at this businessman. Then, super loudly, he basically thought to himself, “Yeah, the bearded guy… he’ll be perfect for… showtime!” It was hilarious and totally stuck with me.

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2025-11-10 07:01