Telegram’s Cocoon: AI, Blockchain, and a Dash of Queer Innovation 🚀🤖

In a world forsaken by common sense, Telegram, that messenger of chaos and conspiracy, has decided to become the messiah of decentralized AI inference. Because, naturally, what better way to save humanity than by hosting AI queries on their own blockchain – or at least try to pretend it’s a good idea. And so, Cocoon was born – a network that promises to connect developers to GPU power, like a digital craigslist for the computationally inclined, with TON tokens as the currency of choices. Earth spinning away 💥

On October 29th, in sunny Dubai (where even blockchain dreams feel luxurious), Pavel Durov took to the stage. Maybe he’s seen too many sci-fi movies, because suddenly he’s unveiling Cocoon, a decentralized AI network built on the mighty TON. Imagine, a layer beneath layers, where private AI inference lives and breathes, or at least tries to. The plan? To bridge the gap between those who have GPUs and those who want to turn them into gold – or, more accurately, TON. Developers will pay in tokens for the GPU gods to do their bidding; GPU owners will earn tokens for lending their hardware to the digital gods of intelligence. Dubai skyline 🤔

Durov, ever the showman, claimed Telegram would be the first to run AI workloads through Cocoon, feeding the beast with its own billion-strong flock of users-because who needs elephants when you have a messaging app with a billion elephants in the room? Coincidentally, this isn’t the first time Durov threw a tease about AI. Previously, he hinted at a secret lab – probably somewhere between Siberian tundra and a secret basement – developing tech to make AI both transparent and confidential. Because if you’re going to build something on blockchain and AI, why not do it with flair and global intrigue? Teaser 🎭

Now, if you’re an intrepid developer with dreams of running DeepSeek or Qwen (futuristic AI models, obviously), you’re invited to join the circus. Just message the official channel, state your AI ambition, and outline how many queries you plan to throw into the machine. On the other side, GPU owners, your hardware dreams must be detailed-number of GPUs, VRAM, uptime – all to ensure your gear doesn’t crumble before its digital destiny. Because who needs quality when you have a blockchain project to inflate? 😉

AlphaTON Capital, because someone has to back the madness

Meanwhile, the financial lions at AlphaTON Capital, probably sitting in their glass towers, nodded sagely and invested heavily in GPU infrastructure to keep Cocoon afloat. Nasdaq-listed and deep in the folds of blockchain glory, they promised to deploy fleets of high-powered GPUs worldwide – because global data centers are the new castles. CEO Brittany Kaiser declared this the “pivotal moment in the convergence of blockchain, data protection, and AI”- yeah, they threw in a lot of buzzwords to sound important. Meanwhile, Enzo Villani chimed in about privacy and security, probably clutching his digital briefcase tightly. Capital 💼🤡

So, it’s another day, another blockchain scheme-that aims to make AI private, secure, and just slightly more confusing by adding tokens, GPUs, and enough buzzwords to fill a conference hall. The question remains: will Cocoon be the bridge to genuine AI progress, or just another Silicon Valley mess waiting for its meme status? Only time will tell, but hey – at least it’s fun to watch the chaos unfold.

2025-10-29 22:08

AlphaTON Capital, because someone has to back the madness

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