The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Canal Retentive

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Okay, so watching this season of *The Real Joy Suckers of Restoration Hardware* is starting to feel… epic, but in a really frustrating way. It’s like *The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King* – I keep wondering why all these unresolved plot points are just… lingering! Why won’t the main villain just *leave* already? And seriously, what’s with the questionable fashion choices? The biggest thing I’m asking myself is: how is this season still going? We’re fifteen episodes in, and it feels like nothing has actually *happened* yet. I’m starting to lose my mind, honestly. And if they drag out the finale for more than two episodes, I swear, I’m going full Gollum and chucking myself into a volcano. It’s getting ridiculous!

It looks like this season will wrap up while the cast is on their trip, just like past seasons of both *The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills* and *The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City*. This means the women need to resolve their personal issues while they’re still in Orange County. While Josh Flagg and Josh Altman haven’t sold Heather Dubrow’s house yet on the show, it actually sold in August for $16.5 million. Emily’s son Luke finally has a diagnosis, giving her a treatment plan and easing her worries as a parent. Tamra’s daughter has a new boyfriend, which has been her main personal storyline this season. Meanwhile, Gina has a conversation with Cowboy Travis about his parenting and his ex’s behavior. They seem like the most genuine people on Bravo, and I think they (along with Archie Beador) deserve to be shielded from the drama.

Jenn and Ryan haven’t tied the knot, and neither have Gretchen and Slade – it’s clear that relationship status isn’t working out for either couple. Shannon hosted a party meant to be a bridal shower for Jenn, but it ended up being more stressful for Shannon herself. The biggest drama of the event wasn’t about the bride-to-be, but that Shannon ordered the wrong tableware, ruining her carefully planned decorations. Surprisingly, she didn’t completely lose it on the customer service representative who tried to help – she didn’t have a total meltdown like she did with the van!

A sweet scene unfolds where the women share marriage advice with Jenn. While the tips are fairly typical, Tamra reflects on her past with Simon, explaining that Eddie taught her the importance of avoiding harsh words – once they’re out there, you can’t take them back. It’s ironic, considering Tamra’s own past mistakes, like calling Shannon a “drunk,” which damaged their friendship. Interestingly, during dinner with Eddie, he points out that she still says regrettable things when she drinks, suggesting she isn’t fully heeding her own advice.

During lunch, Emily announced that they’re taking a sponsored trip to Amsterdam on JetBlue. Shannon mentioned her daughter Stella, who lives in Paris, loves Amsterdam and asked for recommendations. However, it seems unlikely Shannon would stay in budget accommodations or deal with unpleasant conditions. Heather shared that her parents moved to Amsterdam after she and her sister finished college, and she’s visited many times. This revealed some of the difficult family dynamics that shaped Heather into who she is today – a controlling mother and a distant father, a combination Freud once linked to homosexuality. Heather jokingly noted this might explain the diverse identities of her children within the LGBTQIA+ community.

When the women arrived, they immediately changed into very revealing outfits. While I personally enjoy that style, the outfits felt particularly out of place given the time and location – we were in Amsterdam and they were wearing some incredibly over-the-top looks. It was mid-afternoon, and Tamra was in short leather shorts with a bow-covered top. Jenn wore a nearly see-through bodysuit with a thong, and Gretchen’s leather skirt felt like a deliberately rebellious choice for her. Heather and Shannon, on the other hand, seemed to have found the most daring items in a conservative store – their outfits were as revealing as they ever get.

I saved the most striking description for Emily Simpson, who I consider the Queen of One Piece. Emily is usually stunning and I admire her fashion sense, but this outfit… wow. She’s wearing a tight, black maxi dress with cutouts running up both sides of the skirt and just one side of the top. It’s designed with these large, leaf-shaped cutouts that make the dress look incredibly fragile – like it could fall apart or cause her to trip and fall into the canal. It actually reminds me of the thousands of bicycles they fish out of the canals every year!

It’s strange seeing these women in the windows of the red-light district, especially since they aren’t sex workers. I’m not sure what the purpose of this is – is it a publicity stunt, or do women simply have the right to do this? It’s baffling. They looked okay in the window for a brief moment, but they had to spend the entire day beforehand doing tourist activities and going to dinner in clothes that would definitely get them ‘canceled’ on platforms like TikTok due to how revealing they were.

During a boat trip, a disagreement erupts when Emily mentions Tamra bringing up Shannon’s father’s drinking problem during a previous cast trip to Temecula. This leads to a quick, heated argument where Tamra uses harsh language towards Shannon. The women then split into two groups. Tamra, Emily, and Jenn spend their time decorating sex toys with glitter and googly eyes – a silly activity that results in something unusable and arguably too outrageous for television.

Heather and Gina decided to share some marijuana with Shannon and Gretchen, and it made me wonder who *I* would choose to share with. My ideal group would be Gina Kirschenheiter, Andy Cohen, Katie Maloney, Whitney Rose, and West Wilson. The conversation turned to the drama between Tamra and Gretchen, and predictably, Gretchen’s version of events didn’t quite add up – it was way off base. She claimed she and Slade simply went to say hello to Tamra at Emily’s party, but that’s just not true. They clearly had an ulterior motive and were looking for trouble. It’s like walking into a store brandishing a weapon and then getting upset when someone calls the police – if you’re just buying snacks, why bring the gun in the first place?

Gretchen pointed out that Tamra only responds to forcefulness, and that’s a fair assessment. She then explained that she feels she has to meet Tamra’s aggression with equal aggression. Heather and I were so shocked by this, we nearly dropped our cigarettes! This approach is exactly why they’re in this mess. Gretchen wants everyone to see Tamra as the villain, someone who constantly says and does hurtful things. While that’s often true, when Gretchen retaliates, it just makes Tamra look like she’s defending herself. If Gretchen wants people to hold Tamra accountable – knowing Tamra won’t stop on her own – she needs to change her tactics. She’s allowed Tamra to appear justified in her attacks by constantly responding in kind. Right now, they both feel vindicated, claiming they’re simply fighting back. But as Heather put it, Gretchen isn’t just fighting fire with fire – she’s throwing lighter fluid on it, making the situation much worse.

The group ends up at a restaurant called Siren, which immediately sets me on edge with its shared plates and a large, nude statue. Luckily, Shannon Beador accidentally got a little too much of a cannabis-infused treat earlier, and she’s now hilariously inspecting the bottom of her wine glass as if it were a science experiment. She’s so relaxed she’s even forgotten her feud with Tamra! When Shannon drops a barrette under the table, Tamra helps her look for it, and for a brief moment, they’re both carefree and playful, laughing and joking like they’re starring in a comedy film. This is the dynamic we enjoy, the one we’ve been missing, and the reason we travel all the way to Amsterdam. Let them have fun, let them let loose, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll focus on the good things about each other. As the city buzzes with energy and the canals shimmer in the moonlight, it almost feels like a dream come true.

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2025-10-17 04:55