‘What Do I Do With This Grief?’

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Since David Lynch passed away, a flood of tributes and recollections have been shared by his actors, collaborators, fans, family, and friends. One person who immediately came to mind was Mary Reber. Reber resides on a tranquil street in Everett, Washington, in a stunning house that also serves as a significant location and symbol within the broader Lynch universe – Laura Palmer’s home. In 2014, while filming Twin Peaks: The Return at her residence for several weeks, Lynch unexpectedly asked her to make a cameo in the show’s final scene as Alice Tremond, the homeowner from an alternate universe, thereby immortalizing her within the intricate and cherished Twin Peaks saga.

Since the ending of “The Return,” reality and the dream realm have remained intertwined in a characteristically Lynchian fashion. Now deeply immersed in the world of “Twin Peaks,” Reber graciously opens her house, once shared by Laura, Alice, to verified fans. In this role, she acts as a guide for what has transformed into a significant pilgrimage destination for those who resonate with tormented Laura. Warm and compassionate, Reber frequently listens to the tales of pain and sorrow shared by her visitors, offering comfort through insights from her personal life and insightful interpretations of Lynch’s work. Over time, Reber has become deeply connected to the “Twin Peaks” fanbase; her home serves as an emotional hub and unofficial museum, filled with tokens and artwork left by patrons for Laura and Reber over the years.

As a dedicated admirer of David Lynch for many years, adorned with not one but two tattoos inspired by “Twin Peaks,” I consider myself fortunate to have toured the house with Mr. Reber a few years past. This encounter was so enigmatic, profound, and delightful that I find it hard to put into words even now. One of the aspects that made the whole experience so exceptional was my extended conversation with Reber, which, as most discussions about Lynch’s work tend to do, effortlessly transitioned between the personal and the “Peaks.” Since then, we have remained in contact, which isn’t all that unusual for her, given her ability to form deep connections with visitors. I sought out this conversation as a means to tap into that connection, to immerse myself in the “Twin Peaks” universe, so I reached out to her the day after Lynch’s passing to ask if the house was transformed into a vigil like Bob’s Big Boy, how the global “Twin Peaks” community was coping, and what updates she had received from them.

Hey there! I must say, life’s been quite challenging for me these days. You might recall that I lost my son a few years back. He was the one who introduced me to “Twin Peaks”, something he was quite fond of. His birthday would have been today, but interestingly, it’s also David Lynch’s birthday. Coincidences like this are quite common in the show, and David often discusses how life and the show intertwine. It doesn’t astonish me that they share a birthday.

Can’t help but admire the beauty here! Do you recall your initial encounter with David? That was back in 2014 when my partner and I had just moved into this new home. We returned from running errands to find a notice on our door saying, “We wish to shoot a movie at your house. Contact the location manager.” A representative visited that very night, hinting that a director from Hollywood would be coming soon. He didn’t reveal the show, but there were coinciding tweets from David Lynch and Mark Frost: “That gum you like is going to come back in style.” Given our house, those tweets, I had a hunch it was none other than Twin Peaks.

Indeed, on New Year’s Day, David Lynch, accompanied by his producer Sabrina Sutherland and Scott Cameron, his first assistant director, dropped by. He stayed for approximately 40 minutes. I’m not one to be starstruck — I admired David and his work, but I didn’t act overly enthusiastic towards him. We simply exchanged conversation. I felt a little let down when I inquired, “Would you like to see the fan?” To which he replied, “No, that’s alright, I’m good.” He’s been exposed to such admiration before! He mentioned he would get in touch. He returned again in April, July, and then by October, filming commenced. They stayed for approximately 12 days during these visits.

At what point did he propose you for the show? Well, he was by the front door scribbling something and chatting softly with a girl. I was attempting to catch their conversation, but couldn’t quite hear. Later, he ventured into the kitchen where I was brewing coffee and doughnuts, and he inquired, “Are you an actress?” I replied negatively. He then asked, “Have you ever acted before?” Again, I said no. But then, he offered, “Would you be interested in a minor role in the movie?” It was the first time I found myself speechless, as far as I can recall. He reassured me, saying, “It’s not set in stone. You can participate from your own home, wearing your own clothes.” Seemingly sensing my discomfort, he was already making efforts to put me at ease because he knew it took me by surprise. A month later, I received a heads-up from Sabrina about the script, which arrived in September, just a month before we started filming.

Was it that he was exploring if you were the right fit for the character, or did the idea of Alice come to him after meeting you? It’s hard to say as he doesn’t usually conduct auditions in a traditional sense. Instead, he has a specific character in mind and converses with potential candidates much like we are talking now. He listens to your speech rhythm, observes your facial expressions, and asks, “Does this person match the character I have in my head?” Frankly, I’m curious about his thought process. If you don’t mind me asking, would you be willing to share more details?

You never asked?
No, because I don’t think he’d answer.

It’s quite intriguing that we’re both discussing him in the present tense. Could you share with me your experience of learning about his demise and how the past day or so has unfolded for you?

I had a premonition a couple of weeks ago that he was nearing the end. The anticipation of his passing was difficult, even though I didn’t know exactly when it would happen. But yesterday morning, everything felt strangely empty, and there was an overwhelming silence. Then, out of nowhere, I received Sabrina’s message informing me of his demise. Subsequently, I found myself inundated with condolences. “Sending big hugs. I know he meant a great deal to you, Mary.” It was peculiar because I wasn’t part of his immediate family, but everyone seemed to be aware that he had worked here on his final project.

I believe people sought connection because they were grappling with grief and found solace in something tangible, such as myself. It seems they trusted that I could provide the support they needed, which makes me feel fulfillment knowing I made a difference.

As a devoted film enthusiast, I couldn’t help but feel that they wanted me to stand by them in a comforting capacity when I encountered them following the passing of my son. The outpouring of sympathy I received was heartfelt, but this particular occasion seemed more profound. It struck me as unusual because it appeared that anyone who had worked with David was considered part of an extended family. Over the past nine years, I’ve been leading tours and have shared intimate conversations with many people, often listening to their stories of pain. This experience might have been an extension of that. David’s art fosters a sense of unity, and it seems that people are seeking solace in that connection during these trying times. One legacy he has left is the feeling of unity among his fans. As they often say, it’s reminiscent of a cult-like bond, like with Twin Peaks fans. The reason for this sentiment is that David’s work resonates deeply within their core being.

Intriguing energy seems to emanate from your home, I could sense it. The Palmer residence on the show serves as a container for Laura Palmer’s pain, where many disturbing events unfold. As a warm and inviting person who encourages others to open up, your house has evolved into something of a beacon for David Lynch’s work, Laura, and you. I wonder what the house signifies to those who visit?

A psychologist from Spain who works with LGBTQ individuals visited here. He presented me with a small ladybug figurine, explaining, “I want you to keep this here.” Many people leave personal items in Laura’s room, a cozy nook. This man shared that he was bullied as a child but that Twin Peaks had a profound impact on his life. In Spain, someone who is queer is referred to as a ‘ladybug.’ So he asked me to display the ladybug on my mantle, and I did. Recently, someone left crystal lights in Laura’s room depicting Twin Peaks, and a young girl gave me an angel ring, asking me to keep it in Laura’s room so she knows there are still guardian angels watching over her. Yesterday, a well-known musician contacted me, requesting that I invite them to compose and perform a song at the house as a tribute to David Lynch.

People seem to connect deeply with this place, as Laura’s portrayal of trauma has resonated strongly with many. Sheryl Lee once shared with me, “We didn’t receive a lot of awards for Fire Walk With Me. However, countless individuals have approached me to discuss topics like incest and trauma. I wouldn’t give up any of those heartfelt interactions for an award.

Have you ever found the burden of it all overwhelming, given your circumstances? Well, I lost my son, James, here three years ago. Losing a child is something that leaves an indelible mark. I find myself healing when I can openly discuss my sorrow with others. This ashtray here symbolizes Sarah Palmer’s, but it actually belongs to James – a tribute to him, a remembrance of our shared past.

It’s quite clear that many individuals may not be big fans of socializing, but let me assure you, I genuinely appreciate people. Of course, there have been some challenging encounters, as expected with any diverse group. However, for the majority, I’ve found my interactions here to be quite enjoyable.

Have any individuals visited within the past 24 hours?

Are people leaving physical items such as the tribute at Bob’s Big Boy, near your residence?

If anyone wishes to give gifts like wine or chocolates, I’d be delighted! [Laughs] It’s a bit overwhelming when there’s too much stuff in the house. But if it holds significance for someone… Well, I guess you could say I’m turning my home into more of a shared space. It’s not so much a memorial, as it’s where I live, but if someone wants to leave something here, they are most welcome. I believe in spreading the joy, as long as it’s within acceptable limits.

Indeed, this is crucial information! This space belongs to you, and it should be respected as such. To ensure the right atmosphere, I can identify genuine fans of ‘Twin Peaks’. If someone gives me a peculiar vibe, I politely decline their presence. Over time, I’ve learned to set boundaries for my own well-being. Being empathic has had its challenges, but I’ve made progress in healing and maintaining a comfortable environment.

When considering David, the thought that immediately springs to mind is his equal treatment of everyone. Upon returning from makeup sessions with Kyle MacLachlan, Sheryl, and myself, all highly experienced individuals, David treated us all identically. To me, this was a precious gift during my time working under David Lynch’s direction. It served as therapy for me, as I was concluding a 34-year marriage at the time. David was one of the last genuinely kind men I encountered during that period in my life.

The way he portrayed women has been the main topic of many tributes, as he doesn’t sugarcoat anything and offers an honest depiction that resonates with them. Sometimes we need a dose of the raw truth: This is what it feels like. He also has this unique practice called a callback, where after each character finishes their scene, there’s a circle with all cast and crew, and he personally thanks everyone for their contributions. He did this three times for Kyle – once for Dougie, once for Cooper, and once for his doppelganger.

It was quite surprising when he recalled that my girls had expressed a desire to meet him. I figured it might have slipped his mind. Filming wrapped up at 2 a.m. one night, and there he was in our living room on a chair. He turned to Mary and said, “Mary, I remember your daughters wanted to meet me. They’re here now, correct?” Unfortunately, they had already left just before that moment! Despite whatever else was on his mind at the time, he managed to recall that detail.

He’s incredibly dedicated and not one for idle chatter. [Chuckles]

After that encounter, I didn’t get another chance to talk to him. I’ve run into Kyle and exchanged words with Sheryl. However, I haven’t met David since then. If I hadn’t been so anxious about performing, I would have taken the time to converse more with him. Whenever someone leaves us, you can’t help but think, if only I had.

What are some coincidental connections between the house, you, David, and Twin Peaks?
The first case of the Blue Rose, in the series, was named Lois Duffy; that’s my maiden name. My character’s name was Alice, which is similar to the name of my mother who passed away over 20 years ago. Such instances are referred to as “happy accidents” by David. It’s important to be open and flexible enough to notice these occurrences, rather than sticking too rigidly to a predetermined plan.

It’s heartening to see you managing our home. The kindness you exhibit truly warms my heart. Don’t you feel like we’re bonding over this shared responsibility? In these challenging times with California fires and personal struggles, your passing has brought people together. I believe that connection is crucial. Some might view it as an intrusion, but I see it as a chance for this individual to witness our space, and for us to engage in meaningful dialogue. In today’s world, such acts may seem unusual, yet they have proven to be the most rewarding experiences. It’s when we conquer our fears that we truly experience the profound moments.

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2025-01-18 02:54