Bitcoin’s Plunge: Saylor’s Billion-Dollar Oopsie and ETF Tears

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Ah, the fickle dance of fortune, where the golden calf of Bitcoin, once gleaming with the promise of eternal wealth, now lies prostrate in the dust. The recent collapse of its price, a vertiginous fall from grace, has left the titans of finance clutching their ledgers in bewildered despair.

Behold, Strategy-formerly MicroStrategy, the grand oracle of corporate Bitcoin hoarding, led by the indefatigable Michael Saylor-now finds itself mired in a quagmire of unrealized losses exceeding $1 billion. Such is the price of hubris, as BTC tumbles below the once-sacred threshold of $75,000. A billion dollars, vanished like a wisp of smoke in the wind. How the mighty have stumbled!

And what of the spot Bitcoin ETFs, those shining beacons of institutional adoption? They too have been cast into the abyss, their coffers bleeding as BTC trades far below their lofty cost basis. The masses flee, their faith shaken, their wallets lighter. Oh, the irony of it all-the very instruments designed to stabilize have become vessels of volatility.

Strategy, poor Strategy, with its 712,647 BTC, now a monument to the folly of overreach. Saylor’s average purchase price, a staggering $76,037, hangs like a noose around the company’s neck. Briefly, BTC dipped to $74,500, and the losses ballooned to a billion. Yet, as fate would have it, the price has since rebounded to $76,711, offering a fleeting reprieve. But for how long? The vultures circle, whispering of liquidation, of ruin.

Yet, Saylor, ever the optimist, ever the dreamer, dismisses these fears with a wave of his hand. “More Orange,” he declares on X, a cryptic message that speaks volumes. Will he double down, or is this the last gasp of a sinking ship? The world watches, amused and horrified, as the drama unfolds.

More Orange.

– Michael Saylor (@saylor) February 1, 2026

Meanwhile, the crypto exchange Binance, ever the opportunist, announces a $1 billion allocation to Bitcoin, as if to say, “While you weep, we feast.” Buy the dip, they cry, as if the dip were a mere hiccup and not a harbinger of doom.

The spot Bitcoin ETFs, once hailed as the future, now lie in tatters. In the final weeks of January, they suffered their second- and third-largest outflows, according to the sage Alex Thorn. “The average Bitcoin ETF purchase is underwater,” he laments, a grim reminder of the perils of greed.

BTC is trading below the U.S. ETFs avg cost basis after the 2nd & 3rd biggest outflow weeks ever (last week and week before)

(and last week’s outflow will increase after IBIT reports friday’s numbers tomorrow)

this means the average bitcoin ETF purchase is underwater

– Alex Thorn (@intangiblecoins) February 2, 2026

With $113 billion in assets and 1.28 million BTC under management, the ETFs’ average cost basis stands at a lofty $87,830. Yet, the flow data tells a tale of despair-$2.8 billion in net outflows over two weeks, a stampede for the exits. Assets under management have plummeted 31.5% from their October peak, while BTC itself has fallen 40%. A symphony of loss, a ballet of despair.

And so, we stand at the precipice, watching as the giants of finance grapple with their own mortality. Bitcoin, once a symbol of invincibility, now a mirror reflecting the fragility of human ambition. Will it rise again, or is this the beginning of the end? Only time will tell. Until then, we laugh, we cry, we marvel at the absurdity of it all.

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2026-02-02 13:34