White House Denies Bitcoin Sale: The Art of Still Holding šŸ§šŸ’°

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Ah, the eternal dance of truth and rumor, where a senior White House crypto adviser claims that the seized Bitcoin-oh, the scandal!-was not sold, merely hoarded like a dragon’s treasure. Truly, the governmentā€™s strategy is as transparent as a diamond in a coal mine. The Bitcoin, linked to the infamous Samourai Wallet, remains in their imperial vault, not sold, not auctioned, just sitting there, giggling at our anxious whispers.

White House Advisor Confirms No Sale – Because They Love Watching Us Sweat

It appears that reports of a 57.55 BTC-valued at a modest $6.3 million, or the price of a small island-aroused our collective curiosity. Was it sold? Was it spirited away by digital pirates? Fear not! Patrick Witt, the knight of truth, swooped in on social media to assure us that no, these coins are still in their cozy, government-led cryptobank, under a grand plan called the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve (which sounds as thrilling as it is mysterious).

Remember, thanks to President Trumpā€™s mythical March 2025 edict (a true legend in the crypto chronicles), these seized treasures are to be kept, not sold. Apparently, the government finds joy in hoarding rather than spending, much like a cautious miser with a penchant for blockchain, or perhaps just for dramatic effect.

UPDATE: We confirm the DOJā€™s words-these digital assets, confiscated from the notorious Samourai Wallet, remain unliquidated and happily so. They prefer to stay on Uncle Samā€™s balance sheet, basking in eternal reserve bliss. šŸŽ©šŸ’ø

– Patrick Witt (@patrickjwitt) January 16, 2026

Whispers of Movement and the Plot Thickens šŸæ

Lo and behold, blockchain sleuths with magnifying glasses caught a transfer to Coinbase Prime, setting tongues wagging about a clandestine sale. The market gossips, traders clutch their pearls, and the crypto world teeters on the edge of panic (or amusement). But officials, in their infinite wisdom, assure us that transferring coins between custody wallets is as exciting as rearranging furniture-merely internal housekeeping, nothing more sinister.

The DOJ echoes: no sale, just internal custody jazz-no loot, no loot-just government doing the digital hokey-pokey. The poor coins, innocent bystanders in the grand game of governmental chess.

Background: Crypto Charges and Courtroom Dramas šŸŽ©āš–ļø

The legal saga against the Samourai Wallet maestros involved allegations of unlicensed money transmission and merry-go-round laundering activities. The guilty pleas sealed their fates, and the government, ever the diligent collector, reclaimed the Bitcoin-because nothing says ā€œjusticeā€ like digital confiscation wrapped in bureaucratic flair.

Since the sage-like edict of 14233, penned with all the drama of a soap opera, the rules of seized crypto have transformed from anarchy to bureaucracy. Managing such treasures is now a delicate act, balancing the scales of market stability and governmental pride.

Market Musings and Political Theater šŸŽ­

Holding seized Bitcoin in a grand reserve is supposedly designed to prevent the wild swings and market chaos that would make even the sturdiest trader reach for their dramamine. Critics claim itā€™s a financial superpower in government hands, while admirers whisper sweet nothings about stability-much like a teetering house of cards.

Meanwhile, the crypto community breathes a sigh of relief-or panic-aware that the specter of a sale still looms from the shadows, causing more drama than a soap opera with too many plot twists.

Industry Reactions: Salt and Pepper šŸ§‚

The crypto grandees are split-some praise the clarity, others demand transparency, as if the governmentā€™s crypto policies are as clear as mud. Congress might soon host hearings, where the secrets of the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve shall be unveiled-possibly amidst much finger-wagging and sighs.

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2026-01-17 14:20