Vanderpump Rules Recap: Pump It Up

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Do you remember when the early seasons of Vanderpump Rules featured cast members struggling with addiction, and everyone just seemed to accept it? It was a chaotic time – arguments over silly things like ‘pasta,’ and Jax Taylor’s obvious drug use, even during a fight in Las Vegas. Now, Shayne is openly discussing being over a decade sober from fentanyl and meth, and it’s… different. He’s actively seeking help and prioritizing his sobriety. It leaves you wondering, is this what viewers wanted from the show? It’s a change of pace from the past drama.

Just joking! I’m really proud of Shayne and his commitment to staying sober. It’s not even a ‘California sober’ situation like with DJ James Kennedy – Shayne stopped using things like weed, mushrooms, ketamine, and DMT a long time ago. He mentioned to Marcus that he considered trying kratom, and it made me realize how out of touch I am! What are all these new drugs? It briefly crossed my mind if I should try them, but no way – that’s a terrible idea. It’s definitely good that Shayne is avoiding them too, considering his past relapse lasted two years after he started using again.

Shayne shared that he first encountered drugs through his family, who introduced him to them. This has become relevant again because his parents and sister are visiting for the premiere of his film, and they are currently using drugs, which is very difficult for him. Understanding his family history has helped him understand himself better. Similarly, Natalie described a challenging childhood with a mother who expressed love but disapproval, and with whom she now has no contact. It’s a pattern – learning about their families provides a clear explanation for their current behaviors and personalities.

It was lovely seeing the Shaynes at the premiere of Shayne’s movie. Knowing what I now know about everything, it’s going to be difficult to avoid making jokes about how small the venue was, or how low-budget the film looked. The nicest thing I can say is that Shayne looks good in a tank top! But now that I understand what he’s been through, I don’t want to be critical. I should focus on being supportive of his Hollywood aspirations and hopes for a happy future.

Instead, let’s talk about what happened with Shayne’s friend Marcus and Kim at the after-party. Marcus accused Kim of giving too many hugs, but the footage clearly showed they were just normal hugs – really awkward, even. It was a pretty uncomfortable situation, like something out of an old episode of Diff’rent Strokes. Marcus claims Kim started it by yelling at him for hugging Natalie, so he was just responding in kind.

This relationship is incredibly destructive – far worse than anything imaginable. It’s a painful cycle: she expresses her feelings, he responds with jealousy and coldness, she desperately tries to reconnect, and he consistently ignores her, leaving her heartbroken. Despite this, she keeps taking him back without addressing the issues, and he seems confident he’ll never lose her. They repeat this damaging pattern, ultimately harming themselves and their children. It’s a terrible situation, and someone needs to tell Kim to leave – to run, and not look back. She needs to escape this completely and permanently.

Demy did the right thing by speaking up. She initially tried to help by asking Marcus to simply treat his girlfriend with respect, even ordering her a drink. Then, she checked on the girlfriend, Kim, and finally told her the truth: Marcus won’t change. He is who he is, and this pattern will continue. Kim may believe she deserves this treatment or that it’s normal, but it isn’t, and hopefully, she’ll recognize that soon and remove this toxic dynamic from public view.

Let’s switch gears to something a little lighter. A lot of the episode focused on some pretty unusual topics, like penis pumps and a photoshoot for some… interesting merchandise. Angelica showed up at TomTom for a shoot featuring “Shag the Chef” aprons and some truly gaudy hoodies. She was also dealing with some nerve pain from her recent jujitsu training with Jason. Jason had a bit of a misunderstanding about what that training would be like, expecting something very different than a traditional dojo. While complaining about her back, she told Lisa Vanderpump that Jason had given her a bad feeling after she found out he has an OnlyFans account and uses a penis pump. She playfully asked Lisa if she even knew what that was, but Lisa pretended to be clueless, which is hard to believe considering her past!

Luckily, Chris, Jason’s twin cousin, clarified in a private interview that the device wasn’t for a medical issue. He explained he uses it for his OnlyFans content, wanting to provide something extra for his subscribers. He compared it to ordering a steak – people want something impressive and substantial. Honestly, that was a lot to take in, and I think I’m good for a while!

Angelica repeatedly mentioned Chris’s penis pump, which he felt was inappropriate. While I initially sympathized with Angelica, it’s difficult to maintain privacy about adult content when you’ve publicly shared it. I’m happy Chris eventually acknowledged both his online account and his use of the pump. However, Angelica was clearly trying to humiliate him by bringing it up repeatedly, and he was right to call her out on it.

I’m done agreeing with Angelica for the rest of the show. When the group moves from TomTom to SUR, she tries to discuss everything with Jason, but he brushes her off, saying he needs to manage his tables – he’s juggling multiple jobs, and frankly, dealing with other distractions. She feels ignored and wants an apology, but it’s a bad time and place. There’s a table of demanding customers who need mimosa refills and more French toast, and Jason is needed to take their order – especially because Lisa knows they enjoy watching him walk away in the tight pants the SUR staff are required to wear. It’s all just a distraction, really.

Angelica once again brought up the penis pump during a conversation with Audrey at Shayne’s party. Audrey explained she felt betrayed when Angelica repeatedly mentioned it during the Ed Hardy photoshoot. Angelica defended herself by blaming Jason, arguing he shouldn’t have left it out in the shower if he didn’t want anyone to know about it, and even joked she could easily find videos of him using it online. Audrey clarified that the issue wasn’t the pump itself, but the fact that Angelica shared a private conversation. Audrey reminded her they were having a casual, intimate moment – drinking matcha in their pajamas – that was, incidentally, filmed. Audrey felt Angelica was using the story to embarrass Jason about his adult film work and the associated items. Honestly, Audrey seems like the only genuinely likable person on this show.

Okay, so the drama really kicks into high gear when Audrey bluntly tells Angelica she doesn’t want a sisterly bond – just politeness from here on out. And right as that happens, two new faces show up. This one guy, clearly there for work, just needed to make a quick appearance and say hello to his employees. He brought along Katie Maloney, and their mission? One drink, then a serious run to Junior Cookies for a half-dozen of Heather Dubrow’s favorite treats. But as Katie looks around, she sees everything – girls catfighting over friendships, a woman stuck in a truly awful relationship with a guy who’s both terrible and somehow keeps her hooked, and a whole lot of people making bad decisions fueled by alcohol. Honestly, it felt incredibly familiar. She’s been those girls, she’s had her share of emotional baggage (‘Boo Bears,’ as she puts it), and she’s definitely turned down offers when she knew she shouldn’t. She just sighs, turns around, and waits for her friend in the car, already fantasizing about a gluten-filled escape.

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2026-01-14 06:55