🤑 Tether’s Golden Hoard: Central Banks Tremble, Investors Giggle! 🤑

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Ah, the absurdity of it all! Behold, dear reader, the tale of Tether, a stablecoin issuer so audacious, so preposterously bold, that it has amassed a staggering 116 tons of physical gold-a hoard that rivals the reserves of such esteemed nations as South Korea, Hungary, and the ever-tragic Greece. 🏛️✨

“The largest holder of gold outside central banks,” Jefferies proclaimed with a flourish, as if penning a grand epic. The Financial Times, ever the chronicler of such follies, reported that Tether’s insatiable hunger for gold may be the unseen hand behind the metal’s recent surge. Who knew a stablecoin could be so… unstable in its ambitions? 🤡💰

Imagine, if you will, Tether’s gold purchases last quarter-a whopping 2% of global gold demand and nearly 12% of central bank acquisitions. “Likely to have tightened supply,” Jefferies mused, as if Tether were a mischievous imp hoarding treasure in a fairy tale. Speculative inflows? More like speculative chaos! 🎭📈

And what of the future? Investors whisper (or perhaps cackle) that Tether aims to acquire another 100 tons of gold by 2025. With $15 billion in profit this year, such a feat seems as inevitable as a Gogol protagonist’s descent into absurdity. 🤑🤪

Tether’s Golden Gambit: A Comedy in Three Acts

But wait, there’s more! Tether has not merely stopped at hoarding gold; it has spent over $300 million buying stakes in precious-metal producers. In June, it snatched a 32% stake in Elemental Altus Royalties, a Canadian firm so obscure it might as well be a character from Dead Souls. 🇨🇦🤔

The FT, ever the vigilant observer, revealed that Tether is now exploring investments across the gold supply chain-mining, refining, trading, and royalty companies. Diversification, they call it. We call it a grand farce! 🎪⚒️

And let us not forget Tether Gold (XAUt), a token backed by bullion stored in a Swiss vault. Blockchain data shows its issuance has doubled in six months, with 275,000 ounces (a cool $1.1 billion) added since August. Tokenised gold, they say, will solve all frictions. We say it will solve nothing but provide endless amusement! 🏦🤣

Jefferies, ever the optimist, believes Tether is betting on tokenised gold finding traction. Physical gold is cumbersome, futures are costly, and ETFs charge fees. Tether, it seems, is the savior retail investors never knew they needed-or perhaps the jester they never wanted. 🤹♂️💸

Tether: The Central Bank That Wasn’t (But Kind of Is)

As CryptoMoon so eloquently reported, Tether’s operations now mirror those of a central bank. It mints and redeems USDt (USDT) with the flair of a magician pulling coins from thin air. A reserve portfolio dominated by US Treasurys, gold, and Bitcoin? Oh, the irony! 🏛️🎩

And let us not forget its policy-style tools-freezing addresses, phasing out blockchains. Tether, it seems, is not just a stablecoin issuer but a master of bureaucratic theater. Bravo, Tether, bravo! 👏🎭

In conclusion, dear reader, we leave you with this thought: Is Tether a financial innovator, a central bank in disguise, or merely a character in a Gogol novel? The answer, like all things in this absurd world, is likely a bit of all three. 🌍🤡

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2025-11-26 16:31