Ah, the fickle winds of fortune! Behold, the once-mighty Sam Bankman-Fried, now a mere mortal in chains, finds himself spurned by the great Donald Trump, who, with a wave of his hand, grants pardons like confetti at a carnival-yet SBF is left to gather the scraps of his shattered hopes! đ
In this, his triumphant return to the throne, Trump has bestowed clemency upon hundreds, including the titans of the cryptic realm. Yet, poor SBF, with his 25-year sentence, is cast aside like a forgotten masque prop. Alas, the gods of mercy have turned their backs! đ
SBFâs Pardon Plea: A Farce Most Cruel!
In a recent tĂȘte-Ă -tĂȘte with The New York Times, Trump, with a flourish of his rhetorical sword, declared SBFâs pardon a lost cause. And lo, he did not stop there! The likes of Menendez, Maduro, and even Diddy are left to wallow in their misfortunes. A comedy of errors, indeed! đ
SBF, once the darling of the crypto world, now resides in a low-security prison near Los Angeles, his appeals as futile as a courtierâs plea to a deaf monarch. His parents, in a desperate gambit, sought Trumpâs favor, but to no avail. Even his political metamorphosis-from center-left to disillusioned crypto crusader-could not sway the mercurial president. đ
âI, once a naive soul, believed in the center-left! But alas, the halls of Washington revealed their true nature, and I, like a jester without a stage, was left to ponder my fate. The Biden administration, a tempest of destruction, sealed my doom!â SBF lamented, his words echoing through the prison walls. đ
Yet, hope springs eternal, for SBF has filed an appeal, though his release date looms in the distant year of 2044. A lifetime, one might say, to reflect on the folly of it all! đ°ïž
Trumpâs Crypto Clemency: A Tale of Whims and Favors
While SBF weeps into his prison gruel, Trumpâs crypto pardons continue to dazzle and confound. The Samourai Wallet CEO, Keonne Rodriguez, may yet find himself in the presidentâs good graces. âIâll look at it,â Trump declared, a phrase as binding as a courtierâs promise. đ€
JUST IN: đșđž President Trump says he will consider a pardon for the CEO of privacy-focused Bitcoin wallet Samourai.
“I’ve heard about it, I’ll look at it. Let’s take a look at it.”
– Bitcoin Magazine (@BitcoinMagazine) December 15, 2025
And what of the lucky few who have already been touched by Trumpâs golden scepter? Behold, the trio of crypto pardons in 2025:
- Ross Ulbricht, the Silk Road maestro, pardoned in January-a tale of redemption or recklessness? đ©
- The BitMEX quartet-Hayes, Delo, Reed, and Dwyer-pardoned in March, their sins washed away like so much spilled ink. đ€
- Changpeng Zhao, the Binance titan, pardoned in October, despite the howls of regulators and senators alike. A scandal most delicious! đ
Zhaoâs pardon, in particular, has stirred the pot of controversy. Seven Senate Democrats, led by the indomitable Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders, demand an investigation. Could Trumpâs ties to World Liberty Financial be the puppet strings behind this farce? The plot thickens, like a MoliĂšre comedy with a dash of intrigue! đ”ïžâïž
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2026-01-09 10:59