🤖 AI Oracles Predict Pi’s Future (Spoiler: It’s Still Gone) 💸

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If you thought keeping your savings out of the hands of tech bros was a full-time job, wait until you’ve followed the “magnificent” rise and tragic fall of Pi Network. It peaked at $3.00 the day after launch-a run so short, it could’ve been a typo on a Monday. Now it’s trading at $0.17, where it spends its days bemoaning its life choices and wondering if someone will finally mail it to the moon in a spaceship made of 💳 crypto whales. 🙄

If you’re screaming “Where did a dollar go?”, don’t worry, I’m here to blame the entire market while also admitting I once bought six full containers of Tums after eating a “healthy” avocado toast. Anyway, here’s what three shiny new AIs had to say about your next few days of joy. 🤷

What’s Next for PI? (Spoiler: Nothing Good)

PI’s portfolio has been a spiritual journey of self-destruction, falling from “top 20” to “we’ve already forgotten what this was.” The three AIs-for once, in rare alignment-agree that the only direction is down, or as Grok would say, “South, but with more despair.”

On the bright side, the RSI is oversold, which is how meme stocks describe the feeling of holding a 💀 death certificate. Grok also noted that if the token falls below $0.17, it’ll be playing Russian Roulette with your life savings. But hey, if you’re feeling lucky, take a leap! (I’m not a financial advisor. I’m not even born in America.)

Gemini, for all its polish, suggests buying the dip-though I’m not sure how you “dip-buy” a asset that’s already a penny. Maybe add it to your “investment” Spotify playlist alongside “Working Poor (But Glammed Up).”

Still Bears’ Country, Baby 🐻

“If you touch this stock, you’ll get cancer of the wallet.” They also say stabilization has a 15% chance. That’s roughly the probability of Netflix not crashing during your 12th rewatch of *The Office*. 🍿

“Expect continued weakness and possible new lows before any meaningful rebound. Without fresh momentum or external listings, PI will likely trade between $0.17-$0.23 next week.”

ChatGPT ends with the optimism of a person watching their dog bang their head against a wall. 🤠 Just go plant trees, folks. Plant trees. And don’t @ me-unless you have a million-dollar crypto tip, in which case, send it to [sarcastic wallet here]. 🤡

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2025-10-19 07:10