🤑 SBF’s Pardon Plot: A Farce of Epic Proportions? 🕵️‍♂️

by

Ah, the theater of the absurd! In this grand tragicomedy of greed and hubris, the stage is set for a spectacle so ludicrous, so dripping with irony, that even the most jaded soul might pause to marvel. Behold, the tale of Sam Bankman-Fried, the fallen crypto titan, whose 25-year sentence and $11 billion forfeiture order have not deterred the machinations of his would-be saviors. Conservative firebrand Laura Loomer and crypto barrister John E. Deaton, with all the fervor of modern-day Raskolnikovs, have sounded the alarm: a “massive and well-funded” cabal seeks to pry open the gates of mercy for this crypto Mephistopheles. 🧙‍♂️💰

The Lobby’s Waltz: A Dance of Shadows and Dollars

Loomer, ever the provocateur, paints a picture of intrigue worthy of Dostoevsky’s darkest imaginings. “Trump world,” she declares, is under siege by a “sophisticated influence operation,” with Bankman-Fried’s kin “actively colluding with shadowy firms” to secure a pardon. “Expose it! Shut it down!” she cries, her words echoing through the digital catacombs. For, as she reminds us with a wink and a nudge, SBF was the second-largest donor to the Democrats, trailing only the bogeyman himself, George Soros. 🕵️‍♀️🤡

And what of Deaton, the crypto crusader? He stands as a sentinel against this farce, his warnings as sharp as a winter’s frost. “Mr. President Donald Trump,” he intones, “do not let this Bernie Madoff of Crypto escape justice. It would be a slap in the face-nay, a spit in the eye-of the innocent investors he betrayed.” He calls for the reopening of cases, the investigation of Bankman-Fried’s parents, and the unmasking of their political machinations. “Joe Bankman, architect of tax evasion schemes! Barbara Fried, Super PAC sorceress! They are no mere bystanders but accomplices in this grand heist!” he thunders. 🏛️⚖️

Yet, the legal record remains as unyielding as a Siberian winter. On March 28, 2024, Judge Lewis A. Kaplan delivered his verdict: 25 years in the abyss for “multiple fraudulent schemes.” The $11 billion forfeiture? A mere reflection of the scale of SBF’s depredations. And let us not forget the jury’s 2023 convictions, a damning indictment of his wholesale plunder of FTX customer assets through Alameda Research. 🏦🔒

Campaign finance allegations, too, have clung to SBF like a persistent shadow since 2022. Yet, in a twist worthy of a Dostoevsky novel, SDNY prosecutors dropped one charge in mid-2023 due to extradition squabbles with the Bahamas. The trial proceeded, and the jury spoke: guilty on all remaining counts. Justice, it seems, is not so easily evaded. ⚖️🤥

As the crypto market cap hovers at $3.8 trillion, one cannot help but smirk at the irony. Will SBF’s pardon plot succeed? Or will this farce collapse under the weight of its own absurdity? Only time-and perhaps the whims of the powerful-will tell. 🎭💸

Crypto Market Cap Chart

Read More

2025-10-15 18:39