Milhouse Van Houten’s Most Milhouse Lines, Ranked

As someone who has known a fair share of Milhouses in my lifetime, I can wholeheartedly say that this list is spot-on. Each moment encapsulates the unique blend of hopefulness, longing, and quiet resilience that defines our dear Dud.


This week’s news confirmed that Pamela Hayden is stepping down from her role as a voice actor on The Simpsons. It’s understandable if you’re wondering about Harry Shearer, given his occasional weary and seemingly disgruntled tone. Another question that may arise is who voices the characters other than Nancy Cartwright. The answer is Pamela Hayden; she brings life to Jimbo, Rod Flanders, Janey Powell, Martin Prince, and occasionally Martin Prince. However, her most significant role on the show is voicing Milhouse Van Houten, Bart’s friend.

Redescripted: Milhouse, a character named after two famous Americans (Richard Nixon and Leslie Van Houten from the Manson family), initially gained fame not on “The Simpsons” but in commercials for Butterfingers made by the Simpsons. He quickly became everyone’s favorite bumbling character. In his own words, spoken during a middle school episode, “I’m not a nerd – nerds are smart.” Life has been unkind to him; he is friendless except for Bart, loves Lisa but remains single, ignored by his parents unless they use him as leverage in their divorce, and exudes an undercurrent of emotion. Hayden has consistently delivered the pathetic aspect of Milhouse’s character with great skill. He cries with heart-wrenching sadness, laughs manically, and makes sprinkler sounds with an unparalleled enthusiasm. The following are some of Milhouse’s best lines, ranked by the exceptional acting of Pamela Hayden as she delivered them.

16.
“Spring breeeeeak, yeah!” (season 7, episode 20, “Bart on the Road”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=7Js1k9sp0lQ

One key aspect about Milhouse Van Houten is that he lacks a cool demeanor; instead, he seems to drain calmness from others. This trait may be uncomfortable to observe, but it can also be advantageous, especially when you need a booster for fun times. In this instance, Milhouse is attempting to create an energetic atmosphere since Bart has a fake ID and it’s spring break (yippee!). Nevertheless, they are unsure of how to use the fake ID, and Hayden tries to maintain enthusiasm artificially. You can sense Milhouse’s waning belief in his excitement around mid-way through the word “break.

15.
Zombie moans (season 25, episode 18, “Days of Future Future”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=UTD64HRXXT4

Over the past 35 years, The Simpsons has provided numerous glimpses into Milhouse’s future through its flash-forward episodes. We’ve witnessed a variety of Milhouses, such as White House chief of staff Milhouse, a muscular teen Milhouse, Milhouse as Homer’s boss, and even Milhouse in juvie. It’s always intriguing to hear Hayden, Yeardley Smith (Lisa), and Nancy Cartwright (Bart) voice their grown-up characters, particularly Hayden and Cartwright, who have to significantly toughen up their performances to portray fully-grown men.

In the 25th season’s “Days of Future Future,” an alternate reality is presented where Milhouse and Lisa end up in a dismal marriage. Through genetic manipulation, their daughter doesn’t carry any of Milhouse’s genes, while Lisa secretly communicates with her ex-boyfriend Nelson. An unexpected turn occurs when Milhouse gets bitten by a zombie, remarkably improving his situation. This unusual future for Milhouse is the most peculiar we’ve witnessed thus far, but the convincing performances by Hayden and Smith make it believable.

14.
“Bury me at makeout creek!” (season 11, episode 11, “Faith Off”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=kwfVagPD4SQ

To put it simply, this quote made the list primarily due to the influence of the Mitski album. However, it resonates deeply with many individuals in our country, symbolizing the voice of unrequited desire and longing. Give “Drunk Walk Home” a listen online.

13.
“But my mom says I’m cool” (season 5, episode 18, “Burns’ Heir”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=Z6PrwbG3vT0

It’s evident that many of these statements begin with the word “but,” as Milhouse is frequently on the defensive, constantly offering counterpoints to justify his right to be happy, cherished, and even exist. His most compelling proof? His mother. Unfortunately, this seems pitiful. Pamela Hayden portrays Milhouse as someone who, deep within, acknowledges his shortcomings but still insists on defending himself. However, it’s important to note that his genuine conviction in the argument is questionable. His mom considers him cool. But what does he truly believe about himself? I guess it’s unnecessary to ponder this, as you may not be interested.

12.
“Bart, remember when I was crying at recess? I think I’m finally ready to tell you why.” (season 14, episode 4, “Large Marge”)

It’s striking how the dialogue suggests that Milhouse might be trying to express his feelings to Bart in this particular scene. Now, I understand “obvious” might be an overstatement, but for me, it’s undeniably hinted. Milhouse appears to be struggling with his identity and yearnings, while Bart seems unresponsive.

In our circle, Bart and Milhouse have often been subjects of discussions, if I may put it that way. There’s a segment of fans who speculate about Bart’s or future identity as queer. As for Milhouse, he’s been the target of many gay jokes, much like Martin. It makes you see his infatuation with Lisa in a different light when you reflect on it. For those of us who have struggled to come out to someone who wasn’t ready, this moment resonates deeply.

11.
“Take that, Dr. Sally Wexler!” (season 7, episode 9, “Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=Ypx0Q2t_R1g

And now we have gotten to the root of Milhouse’s pain: his relationship with his shitty parents. Within the cockpit of this fighter jet, Milhouse can let out all the aggression his mom, dad, and Bart don’t have time for. Kirk and Luann Van Houten (1) are cousins (2) who got divorced, then (3) forced their son into therapy rather than fix their own hearts. Hayden gives the joke the anger it needs so that it’s not just a hilarious accident that he’s ejected out of the plane, it’s a natural consequence of finally speaking his mind. Remember, kids, if you give voice to your anger even once, God will violently yeet you into the sky. It’s what you deserve.

10.
“It’s so thick!” (season 5, episode 8, “Boy-Scoutz ’n the Hood”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=-DK5p7cxUvM

As a devoted fan of “Songs in the Key of Springfield,” a specific scene from this show has left an indelible mark on my memory. When Bart and Milhouse purchase a Super Squishee loaded with syrup, it sends them on an imaginative spree. This kind of trip is quite memorable! The line that stands out to me is “It’s so thick!” due to Hayden’s unique pronunciation of the word, which includes an extra syllable in “thee-ack.” I wonder where this additional sound originated from.

In everyday language, “It’s so thick!” is a phrase that frequently comes to mind in various situations. For instance, when thickening a sauce with roux or agar, in dense foggy weather, or even admiring a well-shaped figure. It’s an expression of amazement at the intricate and beautiful forms nature presents us with.

9.
“Ta-ta, I’m off to the beauty salon!” (season 8, episode 6, “A Milhouse Divided”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=s817nRxORuA

Essentially, it’s an instance of dramatic irony we’re witnessing here. Luann informed Milhouse that he would be homeless tonight, but instead of reacting with alarm or concern, Milhouse simply replied, “Okay.” It’s quite sad, really.

The build-up to the event, featuring Bart and Milhouse staging a show for their companions, is equally captivating. For once, Millie is receiving praise, due to his over-the-top portrayal of femininity (refer to entry No. 12). However, he is unaware that his life is about to experience a drastic change.

Lastly, there’s something very funny about an adult woman playing a little boy pretending to be an adult woman. That’s layers upon layers right there.

8.
“I haven’t daydreamed in color in so long” (season 17, episode 3, “Milhouse of Sand and Fog”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=XNx7Z30IxL4

From the conclusion of the Van Houten marriage to its fresh start, there may be debate on whether it was wise or unwise for Kirk and Luann to reunite (it was unwise), but many individuals do remarry in life as we know it. Examples include Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, along with other couples.

Milhouse learns that his parents are reconciling, and they assure him it’s not his fault. This revelation causes Milhouse to become so lost in thought that an ambulance is called for him. He mentions this is the first time in a while he’s daydreamed in color, even when he feels joy, there’s still sadness present.

7.
“Uhuhuhuhuh yeah” (season 3, episode 23, “Bart’s Friend Falls in Love”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=ch-BsAv1UfA

In this pivotal episode, Milhouse’s breakout role significantly shapes his character. He harbors romantic feelings, often portrayed as clumsy or foolish. Bart consistently exploits their friendship to boost his own confidence and preserve the established dynamic. This pattern persists for over three decades. However, Samantha Stankey is an exception, breaking the mold. She’s not repulsed by sharing a peanut butter kiss with Milhouse; instead, she revels in the deeper connection it fosters between them. Hayden excellently portrays this grown-up version of Milhouse, still a bit of a goofball with a girlfriend, but one who has found someone who appreciates him for who he is. Here’s to finding such understanding partners like Samantha!

6.
“No, I think she’s hot!” (season 9, episode 19, “Simpson Tide”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=vwpF1b4NZA0

Millie’s youthful sensuality is showing again. The enthusiasm Pamela Hayden puts into this line, like Milhouse has been suppressing feelings of attraction towards Marge for nine years and can finally express them openly, is reminiscent of steam escaping from a kettle. However, it should be noted that Marge is attractive, and more people should acknowledge this.

5.
“But why’d I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?” (season 8, episode 20, “The Canine Mutiny”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=fJvpOxemq_w

Speaking up about a close friend’s mistakes can be challenging, especially when you’re the sidekick. Even though confrontation might be crucial, it often won’t be met with understanding or approval. In fact, the more significant the issue, the less likely it is to be well-received.

Similar to how Milhouse confronted Dr. Sally Wexler, Hayden delivers the necessary intensity while keeping it consistent with his shy character. It’s challenging to address Santa’s Little Helper and Bart’s manipulation, but it’s essential. This speech appears to be something Milhouse has practiced, as it demonstrates preparation.

4.
“Everything’s coming up Milhouse!” (season 10, episode 19, “Mom and Pop Art”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=M67E9mpwBpM

It might surprise some that happiness ranks fourth, but remember this point: Happiness isn’t usually Milhouse’s default condition. Even over trivial things like damp trousers cuffs, joy isn’t common for Milhouse. Nevertheless, it’s heartening to witness him score a victory.

It’s astonishing to witness Milhouse triumph amidst circumstances where his entire ground floor appears to have disappeared. Interestingly enough, his shoes and feet are still damp. Yet, we should cherish happiness wherever it presents itself, no matter how fragile or improbable. That’s a valuable lesson we can glean from the Dud.

3.
Sprinkler sounds (season 7, episode 25, “Summer of 4 Ft. 2”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=jQZR25HPAqE

In this instance, collaboration was key among Hayden, director Mark Kirkland, and writer Dan Greaney. The unique lip movements Milhouse used to mimic various sprinkler types were original; there weren’t any reference sheets for “pffffff.” It’s fascinating how Hayden managed to accurately depict those intricate sprinkler systems. Lastly, kudos to the writers for discovering delight in the ordinary, or more precisely, for finding pleasure in Milhouse enjoying the mundane.

2.
“But we already did it. It took seven hours, but we did it. It’s done.” (season 7, episode 2, “Radioactive Man”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=Ry001BLw48E

Milhouse seems more disenchanted than ever before, as if he allows himself to drift away in a “Treehouse of Horror” scene. Working on a movie or TV set can be incredibly tedious and stressful, even for someone like Milhouse who isn’t interested in show business. His exhaustion is evident, much like the heavy atmosphere in the famous “Jiminy Jillikers” scene that I often recall when facing enthusiasm gaps in my own life. Now, it’s all over – finished. Done.

1.
“But I’m all Milhouse!” (season 8, episode 7, “Lisa’s Date With Density”)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=watch?v=6DIii1kljoA

Really, it’s the whole scene that lands this line at the top of our list. Milhouse’s sky-high expectations when Lisa says she has a crush immediately get dashed. She says she wants to bring the Milhouse out in Nelson, which prompts the line. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? All Milhouse is too much Milhouse. Then Lisa tries to be conciliatory and say he’s like a big sister. Milhouse objects, then calls himself that not 30 seconds later. And the inner monologue about doing whatever she asks in order to gain her respect? It’s all too relatable. We’ve all been friend-zoned; we’ve all tried to dance around a friend’s inappropriate crush. It’s all too much. It’s all Milhouse.

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2024-11-23 01:54